there were some things I did not tell you
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Sunday, May 18, 2008
7:03PM
So, I totally went MIA. Sorry.
I wrote in the beginning of march and never even checked replies. Yikes.
So, yes, my life has been busy and my life as been crazy. Friends page is only going back to May 4th, so I've only got slivers of whats going on in your lives, so, yesh. Know I love you all.
I'm living in Brooklyn, and am quasi-somewhat-pseudo-not-employeed. I don't know what I am. I don't know if I'm happy. I don't know if I like it.
But I pretty much skipped town (hburg) the day after I wrote that post. haha.
I rarely am online, I only get on via the apple store by central park (free internet, awkard height tables).
So, this is a shitty update,but, at least its a region.
I have so much to say that I can't begin.
so, i end
Thursday, March 13, 2008
4:25PM
I stood on rachel and jaz's balcony today, and stared off at the mountains in the distance. I was drinking this pomegrante-blueberry juice (pure, no sugar added), I got hella cheap at finder's keeper's with noah the other day, when we went to buy pineapple in a can to surprise em-tal and char with pineapple upside down cake when they came home from work.
And that's the moment it really fucking hit me:
I'm back.
How did that happen? How did I get here? What the fuck am I doing?
What the fuck was I thinking?
I've been so busy since I've been back I haven't really let it all sink in. So, I turned down the ringer on my phone ('cause I already have a fucking phone cause i'm a goddamn addict), and have been trying to stay in the present moment and fend off the looming panicky-panic that has appeared, tauntingly, in the distance.
Panic.
I feel crazier than I have in months, and I think I may leave sooner than expected, sooner than the fool date I promised.
Just cause
this isnt where I want to be right now
despite
my crazy love for all things
real
and
imagined.
tangible
and
fluid.
....and.... how the fuck did i get here?
(and don't say plane / plane / car / car)
Current mood: crazy ass mothrfucker Current music: none, working on the present-moment-thing
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
2:05PM
further proof RE: how badass I am:
1) faux-fur leopard print slap bracelet that i had in high school.
2) does anybody else remember my kurt cobain gloves? you know, the glitter embroidered ones I jacked from the thrift store last winter while i was working there. Upon rediscovering them today I exclaimed: "KURT COBAIN MOTHERFUCKER!"
god, i have such painfully good fashion sense.
in other news, i am now (not)happily into my third straight month of diarrhea.
and
my 9th day of crazy-not-approved-by-fda-antibiotics with NO CHANGE
but
my cute black leather skirt fits again; and still looks killer with kneehigh boots.
hollaz.
Current mood: diarhetic, duh
Monday, March 3, 2008
11:57AM
rumours are rumours
and
secrets are secrets
so
instead of telling stories
i'll describe my outfit
bottom to top
navy blue arygle socks
bright red legwarmers
blacka nd white checked leggings
babypink miniskirt with white polkadots
purple fitted shirt
raggedyann and andy sweater; sized for a four year old.
yesssssssssss
it feels good to look cute
(read: rediculous)
again.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
1:00PM
if a test that hands out pink lines instead of grades can be trusted after sitting in a glass case in the sun until it resides closer to expiring than manufacturing, then i am expecting nothing more than more nausea and a very, very late period.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
5:50PM
just wanna say that
in less than a week
im gonnna see the dali lama!
gonna see the dali lama!
hh the dali lama!
in bodhgaya
under the bodhi tree
where the original buddha
gautama
got
enlightened
bouncing off the goddamn walls, i swear of it!
bounce bounce bounce!
share my joy!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
6:58PM
spending halloween alone in india
tear.
NO COSTUME!??!?!?! its a sin!
but, alas, they have candies here that are kinda like tootsie rolls, but covered in carmel.
so, i'm gunna buy a bag of those and eat until i feel like a may vomit.
mmmmm.
its like five hours from halloween here, fyi.
tell me about your costumes, please.
i have horrible gas, which i blame on buttermilk.
ugh, i dont know how i went from five years of veganism to drinking warm buttermilk. but, sometimes, its easier to gag it down then try to communicate. with anyone.
i'm trying real hard to get fat, but i'm losing weight.
oh well.
i was going to write a better update, but i smell incense, which i think means its time to bless the cybercafe, and i usually try to leave places during htat, 'cause its kinda weird and you always feel awkward.
but it's probably not as weird in a cyber cafe as, say, in restaurants and buses when people start chanting and waving incense...and you're eating, or trying not to get groped by the freak next to you.
in a nutshell, i feel good. guys, seriously. good.
im making friends tho, short term friends-for-a-day, but, still, friends.
and a guy at a candy shop calls me his daughter, so i get free sweets.
i ask him what its called and he'll say "MILK!" everytime.
uhhhh, okay?
(i buy stuff too, and he acts real insulted when i ask him to sell me something)
...speaking of...i'm gonna go get some of that green stuff that is, apparently, called "MILK!"
Current mood:  content Current music: hari ram, hari ram! (BEST BOLLYWOOD SONG!!)
Monday, October 8, 2007
11:26AM
So. Yes. India, eh?
I've been here for over a month now, and kristen just left a few days ago.
She is one of the few people in the world that I don't think I could ever get sick of. After spending four weeks non-stop around each other (even sleepign in the same bed), we did not have a single disagreement. And the laughter. Oh, god, did we laugh and laugh, right up until the airport, where we cried and cried.
I honestly could travel with her the whole six months and not get the least bit tired of her.
I have so many good stories, too many to put here, really.
Being alone in India? It's hard. I spent the first two days wallowing, and now i have amazing liquid diareha (which, amazingly, is the first i've had).
And, a lot of it at this point is that I think most of me just wants to be miserable. I just want to wallow and feel sorry for myself and be melodramatic, which, not surprisingly, has resulted in all of the above. and spending a lot of time alone, in my room, lying on my bed, door and windows locked, reading and feeling sorry for myself.
i mean, seriously, if i'm going to read all day and feel sorry for myself, i should at least do it in the beautiful courtyard right outside my door...or, better still, i'm in pushkar. there are 52 ghats surrounding a lake (created when a lotus flower fell from teh heavens) and one of the few brama temples in the world. there are over 1,000 temples in this town, which is only 5km long. and i'm sitting in my ROOM? feeling sorry for MYSELF?
it's rediculous, I know.
Now I have leaky-direhea as an excuse at least.
I went to the internet place to sign up for a mediation course on my way to the beach (coz, hey, the beach will cure me. for sure.), but i didnt think to ask if they had a printer, as they had a HUGE one by the door. but then we had this conversation:
me: "sir, this won't print"
guy: (blank stare)"print?"
me: "yes, {point at printer}, won't work? broken?"
guy: "where country?"
me: "america. print {point at screen}. on paper?"
guy: "ooo, america! lots of money! very nice!!!"
me: "need this on paper." (making paper shape with hands, gesturing to printer)
him: "oh. no! (laugh AT ME, yell in hindi to guy sitting in front on the street, who also laughed at me) that not work! chai? drink chai?"
me: L:OWEITPSDOHL:GJSDKL:IOP
and then, five minutes later, another guy came in, photocopied something on it, and left.
anyways.
if this country doesnt teach me to be zen, nothing ever will.
Friday, August 24, 2007
So much has happened since my last post!
My passport came. Got rid of over half of my belongings.
I am moved out of circle house, laura is in the process of moving into my old room. I am couch surfing/bed surfing right now.
My one-way ticket to India flies out on Sept. 4th in the afternoon (yes, that is 10 days away). Short layover in Chicago, and then direct flight to Deli.
Xten is flying out with me, and coming back Oct 5, and I'm staying out there.
I am oh-so-excited and nervous and scared and thrilled and sad and giddy with joy and so many more emotions all at once.
Fuck buddy is gone forever, and we had amazing closure (i've never had any sort of closure that could compare to that in any sort of sexual relationship. ever. And I'm referring to words said as much as, if not more than, actions) and the condom broke, while I was ovulating, the last time we hung out. Am taking a test right before I fly out, and I already looked into places to "take care of things" while in India, just in case.
But all in all, as I stand on the cusp of this massive life change, I am curious about what it holds in store for me, and very, very, very excited to find that out.
Monday, July 23, 2007
4:32PM
Let's see.
I've been going to NA. That's been good. Slowly working on picking up the pieces as they lay. Still making bad descions, but on a smaller scale and on a less severe one.
I do have a job. I started last week at 7-11. I get free slurpees. Even the energy drink slurpee. And free coffee and fountain drinks. And make 7.50/hr. I work full time. Which is niiiiiice, especially after mercy house.
I got a letter a few weeks ago from the US passport office, declining to give me a passport until I mailed in five items that with my name+signature or with my name+photo that is issued by a gov't agency, employeer, hospital/something int he medical field, etc....all five of which have to be over five years old. After panicking and flipping out, it took me about two weeks to get it together, and I mailed it off on Friday. Now, I just sit nervously and wait for the passport office to contact me. Panic. Panic. Hopefully, I'll still get to leave on Sept. 4th. If not, I'll just leave 7 days after I receive my passport. So. Yeah. I'm doing pretty good at this point at keeping my head up.
The guy I've been sleeping with since new years is moving to NYC in less than a week. I don't even know if we'll see each other before he leaves. We hooked up Sat/Sun three seperate times. We both know it's almost over, and it makes the sex (already f'in awesome) way more intense. I'm going to miss the sex for sure, but I think I'm going to miss him as well. We have good conversation and enjoy each others company. I'm really excited, tho, about what the future holds for both of us as we both leave soon. (Well, hopefully I'll leave soon. Depending on the passport situation).
Megan is calling it "USA house arrest." Giggle, giggle. (see, I am looking on the brighter side now!).
Right now, I'm hanging out at deck house. Laura (who is staying here temporarily--may move into my room @ circle house, if I ever move out) and I called this white cat into the house today (possibley stray) and then we decided it could be pregnant. After doing very cursory (sp?) research online, we determined it could give birth any minute, so then we went to finder's keepers and bought cat food and tuna fish. We now won't let it leave the house and made it a "baby making area" in a closet out of an empty PBR case. We're calling it Pabst and if it has three kittens, we're going to make sure their initials are P, B, and R. Laura left for work, and I'm hanging out here to see if it makes babies.
Just to make sure you understand the details, let me summarize: Neither of us actually know what a knocked up cat looks like, and aren't sure if its pregnant. Neither of us live in the house that we're trying to get this potentially pregnant cat to give birth in.. The cat is really friendly and clean. It may have a home. We won't let it leave, and keep feeding it tunafish. We may have actually cat-napped it. If it is pregnant, and does have kittens, we have no idea what we'll do with said cat or kittens at that point. Nobody who lives in this house is home.
To summarize it in one sentence:
I'm glad laura is back in town, and never, ever leave us alone in your house.
Monday, June 25, 2007
5:04PM
okay. yes. um.
Feel need to post /
never know where to begin or end with this thing.
1) still unemployeed. still haven't started looking for work.
2) Birthday was awesome. Had trampoline bday sex! Well, I am fairly confident that's where it was. I know I had sex, I just don't remember it. Whatev. It still counts as bday fuck!
3) Nicole ran into some chick she went to high school with at her gym, and this womyn had just won two bonnaroo tickets on the raido, so, I went to Bonnaroo with less than 24 hours notice, I was en route.
4) Bonnaroo was goddamn awesome.
5) I'm not very proud of descions I've been making lately, and I need to quickly harness my behaviors and at least honestly attempt to control them and try to maintain some sort of sobriety in my life, regardless of the cost to my personal life and finances. (that does not mean I'm going out of business) (I'm 25 now. I should be past this. I should be clean.)
6) Adult News (shadypornstore) is hiring. As if I could become more of a caricture of myself.
7) I had a serious talk with my fuck buddy Sat. night. We've been fucking for over six months now, and I wanted to make sure lines of communication were open between us and just do a "feelings check." I was actually really surprised by how callous everything he said was (eg: he thinks of me as more of an aquintance than a friend--i think of him more as a friend than aquintence). I was pleased to hear how unfeeling he was/is, but it was surprising considering how worried I was that he was getting attatched. In fact, I felt so good about the conversation that I initiated sober sex the next afternoon when we woke up. [iwashornyagain] hopefully not a mistake. The sex is too good and too often for it to get fucked up.
8) Leaving for India on Sept 4. Get it while you can!
Friday, June 1, 2007
3:30PM
also. i have been using white to distract me from brown.
ohhh, the silly silly things we do.
3:23PM
Lets see, let's see.... let us see.
i've been uber-busy doing nothing.
i turned in my notice at mercy house, and have no future job lined up. haven't even tried to look.
I turn 25 next sat.
i've had several huge, massive freakouts.
i dropped out of self-defense class.
. . .
i've gotten some awesome sewing done. megan leaves for oregon on TUESDAY and I am crushed. Laura is now coming home from europe a MONTH early, and will be back june 21st. thank you jesus.
irenka came to see me and we had a lovely time.
my sex life, after a brief break when i was unable to pyschologically handle sex, is now back as of last night. (not quite kicking yet. but. still. huge progress.)
really hungry, qusi hungover...mostly just feel dumb. but. whatev, thats the price we pay for the drugs and fun.
. . .
if anyone has any fun bday suggestions, holla.
i know i'm smokin' a spliff in the bathtub. fo' sure. other than that, who knows? maybe rmond, i wanna do it with a chick. badly. proof that im gay.
all in all, i'm doing well.
and hope you are too.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
5:11PM
So, it's been awhile.
I found a new home for the ferrets today. They're moving to Mathias, WVa with this older couple. They had ferrets before, but haven't in years.
They drove to h'burg today to buy a ferret. First, they went to petsmart, but the cage was so filthy that they walked out in disguist. They went to Sylvia's (locally owned pet store--really awesome) and Sylvia's didn't have any, but they saw my flyer and called me.
They came over and met they boys, they were really good with them. Gentle and playful. They played with them. Dillion bit the guy really hard, but they both handled it really well and are fine with him being a nipper. They would only be caged when nobody is home and would have full run of the house. They have two cats, a litter of kittens (the cat showed up pregnant) and three dogs. None of them are kenneled, they think its "mean."
I'm really excited about these people--they had lots of tattoos, definately look like Mathias WV folks.... probably do drugs, because when I said, "two things you need to know. Dillion will steal your cigarettes and hide them." the man interupted to say, "oh, i'll find away to hide them." and then i continued, "and sebastian will take ANYTHING in a ziplock bag." they gave each other a look and said, "thats good to know."
Which makes me happy, coz i know both my boys love some secondhand love. hahahaha.
They wanted to take them today, and I asked for a few days to say goodbye. So, my boys are leaving me forever on Sunday. I feel really, really good about their new home, but I cried when the "new parents" left.
As they left, the womyn gave me a hug and said "IT was nice to meet you, and your kids"
So, i mean, they're good people, they'll take good care. but. tear.
*sigh*
right thing. i'm doing the right thing.
India.
India.
India.
SOON
Monday, March 26, 2007
3:14PM
so dillion got outside (fat ferret) and has been missing for several days. i've passed out fliers, and spent 30$ on a classified lost pet ad.
i'm really sad, and still not entirely dealing with that or my grandfather dying and it makes me tense and sad all over, despite the amazing weather.
theend.
Friday, March 23, 2007
2:38PM
good god. what to say?
st. patties was a good time. we kicked four. yes, four kegs before three am. an unannounced dj showed up around 2 with all his equipment and just set up. and then people spun until around 5, when we started kicking people out (even tho there was NO beer left!!). also, some random guys, also without asking, decided we needed a strobe light and left and got one and just set it up.
there was SO much dancing!
unfortunately, i missed over half the party because i was holed up in my room doing illegal drugs. and i do mean illegal. and i was out of my mind half the night, but in the best, most rock-star way possible, which was enhanced by an unnannounced dj and strobe light. hehe.
i mean, damn, we know how to party. i am really sad that i did miss so much of the party. for example, i was so excited that keisha was planning on coming, i hadn't seen her in MONTHS. she never showed up, and i was sad. in the morning, i was sitting around with the roommates sharing our nights (so everyone could fill in others blackouts), and my roommate nick mentioned he brought keisha home. i said, "WHO?" yes, i spent that much time doing copious amounts of other c words that i missed entire people coming and going.
nobody i know got laid, which is a let down, but, whatev. i have a few pics to share, one from bowling, and two of me and my roommies at our last two paries.. if you are on facebook, sorry they're repeats, but i wanted to share 'cause i never post pics.
but its taking too goddamn long so i dont think i'll share them. find them on facebook or get over it OUYTRPWEOTUW$*()THWEOP.
anyways, i'm goign to nicoles parents sat night to drink and smoke in a hottub while they're out of town. theres a certain top-secret someone around town i keep wanting to run into and i'm running into all of said persons friend, but never said person, which is so obnoxious that i'm about to give up on the whole mess and die a virgin. which is a lie, but also, my new pickup line. which is amazingly successful, even tho nobody believes it. i think its one of those thought-that-counts things. although i havent gotten laid since kristens bday.
lets see. . . i drank two (2!) mason jars (thats apprx 6-8 shots each one), a tequila shot, a beer last night. came home, smoked an entire bowl. and was still more-or-less sober. it was not okay. so, i'm goign to work on cutting back on partying so i can still party. wheeee.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
11:06PM
So. Wowzers. Really haven't been doing any of you any justice lately as to updates on my life.
A lot of what I can say will come out kinda shady. But, whatev, I am kinda shady.
Mercy house has pretty much completely fucked me. I worked somewhere around 2 hours in a week and a half.
We've gotten three huge snowstorms (or, at least, it's felt that way) in the past few weeks.
I've been doing pretty creative (and some predictable) things to make ends meet these past few weeks, but I have made rent money and caught up on my bills. i'm just trying not to make a habit out of my fundraising schemes, despite how lucrative the money is.
One of my friends got busted, they got him with intent but for less than an o so he's screwed-but-not-too-screwed, he seems to be handling it well. better than others are at least.
My grandfater died yest. morning. it was expected for a while, but then we all thought he had pulled through, but, apparently, not so much. I actually just got to my parents from the viewing and am in Richmond for the night. Should be back home tomorrow.
Got a ride with my cousin Angela, we had a really good car ride up, we got to reminece (uhh, spelllllllllling) on the trip, just telling rediculous stories about Skito (the grandfather who just passed) and giggling about how crazy he was. Good stuff.
Everything seems to be coming together for me to go to India in August. I'm still feeling good about it. I really think it's going to happen.
I've been following my new years resolution pretty well. It was a scandelous one. But, I've been scandelous as well this year.
I've been hooking up with guys lately, which has really been throwing everyone I know for a loop. but I really haven't thought twice about it. I'm just so thrilled I'm getting some that I'm will to tolerate the wee-wees. It's not even the guys I'm hooking up with --they almost all know me as a lesbian and aren't phased at all, but my close friends are doing a decent amount of judging, but not really in a bad way, persay, but just....I can feel them judging and that's kind of obnoxious--especially when the straight ones do it. I feel like my queer friends (meaning rach+jaz) really truly get it, but, they also really truly get me better than most. I haven't had sex with a womyn since aug. would they rather me be celebate? hburg is slim pickin's for lesbians period, expeciallys ones like me.
and i'm not referring to lesbians-who-do-things-with-boys-when-less-than-sober.
Oh, speaking of sobriety, it's been pretty fleeting in my life. But, whateve.
Speaking of things as well:
for kristens beday we're getting 3 kegs on the 24th. its a sat in march. we wanted st patties day but mike keane is throwing one, and we decided against competeing.
so, get a muthahfuckin sharpie and scrawl that shit in--circlehousehodown.
I think the theme is magical pants (like magical chairs involving pants), but that may change. i'm sure we'll have dj(s), we only just decided the date on sunday, so we haven't locked down a DJ yet. probably finks, probably jason fellows after he stops spinning at the dodger that nite. dootdootdoot.
love you all
Friday, February 9, 2007
4:02PM
It's weird, catching up on my friends page... so many of you all are going through major life changes right now, most of which involve (lackof)love...but some of which involves other things.
next week is the one yr anniversary of shannon and i breaking up...and i swore i would be single for a year... and i have been.
and its been good. and i (heart) being single.
and i love all of you.
and my pipes have been frozen for a week. running water is overrated.
we got a ton of snow and lots of it melted.
i'm wearing a 4/5 yr old raggedy ann and andy sweater. i think its sexy.
others disagree.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
9:37PM
also. remind me why i should not call a certain ex-girlfriend to have her drive 4 hours to give me coke....coz, you know, she would.....
coz i'm not speaking to her, so she would do it hoping it will make me want her back.
ha.ha.ha
dammit. DONT DO IT SUZ!
9:34PM
lalala.
been drinking for a few hours.
ignoring everyone interacting with other humyns, which annoys me... yet i feel obligated to check internets, coz theirs access here.
quick announcement: if i knew the dood jacked off to teen vogue, i wouldnt have done it.
the other night, i have a quart of long island iced tea, sparks, and two beers..l.and was still sober.
i need ot cut back.
i'm also on this heterosexual kick, which i'm tired of, but still...not gonna fight.
bored now.
love you all.
also: i'm an asshole when i'm drunk and i need to stop pissing people off.
i love you all. sometimes.
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